So I was pretty excited to drag my Christmas tree off my back deck - partially because I hate having it on my back deck - but mostly because I'm super excited about putting up the tree and we've been through that before. So despite a slight setback with my strep throat, I set about my mission to decorate and be festive!
But that's when things started going horribly wrong.
My first mission is to rescue my tree from the back deck. So I go about getting the massive bag, which kinda looks like a body bag to me, off the back deck. So in my slippers, short sleeve shirt and sweatpants I open the doors to the chilly outside air (So maybe that wasn't the best plan considering I was trying to get over strep still, but hey I'm great now other than the ears and head thing). But I think all I need to do is grab the bag, heave it inside and then I'll be done with the great cold outdoors.
But nothing is ever as easy as it seems. So here's what happened to this strep infested t-shirt sporting girl: I step outside and I grab the handles of the green bag (above is the skeleton remains of the bag after I got through with it), but the bag didn't move. It half moved then nothing. So I tug again, and now I figure it's stuck on a nail. So I think just unzip the bag and toss the tree parts inside and leave the bag until it's lighter and I have a coat then I can do something about it then. So now on to Plan 'B' but that comes back and hits me in the face too because the moment I go to grab the zip to unzip the bag completely tears open where I have my other hand. By now I figure that I'll have to get a new bag, but of course I still want to unzip the thing to get it open. So I grab another part of the bag and go to pull the zip again (which by the way I'm pretty sure the zipper is broken), but that part tears open too. So now I think it's cold and I just want my stupid Christmas tree, so I rip it open - which totally makes me feel strong - and I start tossing the branches inside. Well, I get to the top of the tree, which was sitting on the very bottom, and realize that it is wet and has ice on the branches, so I set it aside, outside, to thaw out. And the next two branches also has ice, so I leave them aside. And it is at this time that I realize the bag is full of water at the bottom. And there was tinsel left in the bag, so it's wet and gross and has a rusted look to it. Not pretty.
So I decide to leave the bag, the rusted tinsel, and the iced over branches outside and go back to the parts I do have inside. So after deciding to walk away from the Christmas tree for about a hour - because we seriously needed some time apart by now - I go back to it a little later and start setting it up. Everything seems to be going well, and even the pieces outside are looking better. So after I move the rest of the Christmas tree and get it set up, I drag those pieces inside and let them set on the kitchen floor for a little bit because there was still a little ice left and I rather it drip on that floor than the carpet.
But my little bit of time turns into a day....or two. So I have a half-put up Christmas tree in my apartment. It's missing like two branches and the top. Charlie Brown Christmas, anyone? But at least he had a full tree, it was just sad looking. But anyway, so finally I decide it's time and I grab the top of the tree and it is at this time that I realize, it's rusted. (See picture). I guess that gives it an outside look with the brown? Half the ease of a fake tree is not having the brown. But whatever. I decide that it's just going to have to work and I put that part on the backside. Unfortunately the backside faces the window, but nobody should be looking, right?
But I still haven't lost the Christmas spirit completely yet, so I decide the only thing that is going to help is to start decorating. Put the tinsel and the lights. You remember the tinsel right? The tinsel got left in the Christmas tree bag - bad, very very bad - and some of it didn't make it, and the rest that did survive has seems to have lost its spirit. But that didn't stop me. I wanted to decorate my sad, rusty tree, so after a quick, useless pep talk with the tinsel I started putting it on the tree. I sure did feel jolly at least! But after putting it on the tree then taking it off the tree and trying again and then repeating that one more time, I realized that this was useless. I was never going to succeed in making this tree look decent. The Christmas spirits were against me! And now I truly began losing my Christmas spirit, and decided not to put the lights on the tree. It was far too pathetic for lights. Yes, it might have helped, but it was all so pointless and useless - or so it seemed.
So I sat on the couch and stared at my sad little Christmas tree for awhile before deciding that I wasn't ready to give up hope...yet. This tree could still turn out halfway decent. Or at least I hoped it would. I just needed to decide what to do about this Christmas tree disaster first. And this is where we stand - one sad pathetic looking Christmas tree with a rusty top and flat, gross tinsel that has lost the Christmas spirit.
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