Making the Cut: For Me

This is my fourth week doing my workout and I am still going strong. I'm still doing it almost daily. 5-6 times a week. I definitely feel like I'm getting stronger. In fact I know I am getting stronger. But that's not enough to keep me going strong. The reason why I enjoy - I use the term lightly - or at least the reason why I keep going is because this is the one thing purely for me. This is not for my husband. This is not for my daughter. This is just for me. I have no problem with my entire life being about my daughter and husband. But that doesn't always leave a lot of time for me time. And if there is anything I have learned about becoming a mom is that me time is pretty important too. A time when I'm not cooking dinner, cleaning house, changing diapers, feeding, playing, singing, reading. A time that I do something because it is just for me. The reward is for me and me alone.

Sounds selfish. Well, it is.

But sometimes that's okay. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish. And I thinking working out has become my selfish time. I want to feel better. I want to look better. I want to do something I have never been all that good at (yes, it is possible to be bad at exercise - not just doing it daily, but mostly because I have never been all that strong or capable). I want to push myself. I want to feel productive. I want to feel proud of myself. And my exercise the way I have been doing, I feel all those things.

I feel better. I feel stronger. I feel like I'm doing something I have never done before or at least doing better at being constant. I feel proud of myself. I feel productive. I feel a bit empowered.

And that is exactly how I'm supposed to be feeling.

I would be lying if I said there were days when I just didn't want to do it. I didn't want to change my clothes. I didn't want to get all sweaty. I didn't want to spend thirty minutes working out.

But then I tell myself, I have thirty minutes to give. Even when Addie has short naps, I still have thirty minutes. I can do this for just thirty minutes. I have no reason why not. I'm not dying. I'm not ill. I'm not injured. I can push myself for thirty minutes out of my day. And I do. I get myself up and change my clothes, put up my hair, and somehow get myself to work out for those thirty minutes.

And almost every time after I finish those thirty minutes, I feel better. There are days of course when I'm just exhausted and working out definitely didn't help, but mostly I always feel better. I feel like I did something. I feel proud of myself for actually getting up and doing it. It's just too bad I can't remember that feeling before I start the work out, then maybe I wouldn't drag my feet so much.

So I may have to push myself to get up some days, but at least I get up. I do it. And I do it just for me. I do it for no one else but me and that keeps me going. And has kept me going longer and helped me push myself harder than I have ever done before. And that makes me proud of myself and what I have been able to do.