This Is Where I Say Goodbye

I think I always knew this day was coming, but I didn't know when. But I suppose it's time to admit that the day has indeed arrived. The day that is very bittersweet. The day that I say good-bye to this blog. 

I started this blog ten years ago. I needed something to do and I loved to write. I started it before Rob and I were married as a way to follow along with wedding planning, but of course I was awful at actually sharing things. I posted very randomly, never quite sure what to write and mostly just forgetting I ever had it. 

However after we were married I did better. I actually wrote every single day of the week. I wrote about Stella, about cooking, about Christmas trees getting stuck to the porch. I really wrote about whatever was on my mind. There was no purpose or sense of order. I just stretched my creative chops and wrote about it all. 

My writing schedule changed when Addie came along, but I still maintained a 5 days a week schedule. I needed it as an outlet as we dealt with Addie's regression and getting her back on track. I continued to need it as I went through my miscarriages and infertility. 

But when Connor came, I changed to just three days a week because life with two kids is hard and busy. And if we are being perfect honest I struggled with both kids through my entire first year. It just takes me awhile getting back to feeling like me again. But of course just as I was starting to feel like me again, I dislocated my knee and ended up getting knee surgery which was a lot. 

And then Emma. Oh my dear Emma. She is like having three kids in the body of one. I love her to pieces but she is definitely my most spirited, aka most trouble. But of course I wouldn't trade her for the world. At the same time I have been running a successful sticker shop for the last three years. I have been doing it all alone and with only about two hours of actual working time each day. 

Behind just the fact of running a business on very few hours, maintaining a house, and having three kids, I find that I just don't have much to say. Since having Addie I have done a lot of writing about the kids, but as Addie has gotten older I feel less and less comfortable writing about her. And in turn, less and less about writing about the other two. In fact I don't really feel like I have much new to say. I think we can only put up with 'life with three kids is exhausting' so many times before we all go a little mad. 

So writing has become a chore for me. I don't have much to say, and it's all things I could easily share on my Instagram where I still regularly share photos. I just don't have the time, energy or desire to write much anymore. 

If we are being honest, I'm actually kind of sad to say goodbye to this blog. And for all I know I'll change my mind in two months and be back again but we all know I have been writing less and less these days. It's just hard to say this because it feels so final. It feels like I can't turn around and change my mind, which of course I could always change my mind. But I think I know that I won't. I think I know that this is goodbye to this blog, this creation of my mind that I have had for ten years. 

I'm not leaving the internet. I'll admit that I don't really do anything on Facebook. My Instagram pictures get posted to Facebook but otherwise I'm nonexistent there. But I do post on Instagram (@beccaevans08) often if you want to follow along with the kids and us. And hey if you need planner stickers, check out my Etsy shop (Beautiful Mess Plans Co). And I guess you never know I might show back up here again. 

I do want to say thank you for continuing to read for the last ten years. Thank you for caring to come back to each post and caring about our lives. I have tried to be nothing to be honest and true about us. We are messy and very much not picture perfect. But I have enjoyed capturing the moments and putting them here. 

Now, pardon me while I go mourn this goodbye a little...